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[Posted 21 September 2004]

Today, good ole George Dubya Bush made it to the Big Apple. I heard about it before I read it -- a Californian visiting the city told me that he'd seen Bush & his entourage near the UN today. With his House Negro Colin Powell no longer willing to do his begging, Bush had to beg for himself today.

Back in the 2000 election, my father assured me that he'd never vote for Bush. And I was surprised at the reason. My father, being a true Christian and perhaps the kindest man I've ever known, told me that he knew Bush was evil when he put Karla Faye Tucker to death despite having the opportunity to pardon her. Well, Bush put a lot more people to death than Tucker (estimates range from 131 to 155 but who's counting), but Tucker made the news because she seemed to have truly reformed herself while behind bars -- had become a devout Christian and led church groups in prison. Perhaps my father meant that Bush not only didn't pardon Tucker, but he engaged in mocking her as well -- whining "Please don't kill me" into a television camera to mock Tucker's plea for a stay of execution. (I seem to remember a mean-spirited Bush on TV talking about the execution -- with ugly plaque all over his teeth. My, but that's attractive.) Apparently Bush thought it was fun to mock someone begging for her life. But mocking the downtrodden sounds like something the Bush clan might do for fun, considering their past history. Remember, Dubya's daddy was reputed to have called the average citizens "OFU's" -- for "one fodder unit."

Well, I'm not a member of the Bush family -- I come from a much more respectable lineage. But hey, I'm open to new ideas. Let's take a page from Georgie Boy today, and mock someone who's begging for their life, or maybe just their job, or even more specifically, how they'll look in the pages of history as to how they did their job:

(To be said in a high whiney voice) "Oh pleeeease, pretty please, I won't call you 'Old Europe' any more. Please help me hold down Iraq or my dad will be really mad...

"Please...? I promise not to call you 'irrelevant' anymore. Won't even wear a big cowboy hat and act like I'm a tough guy... C'mon, people are starting to say that a cockroach'd make a better president. They say I won't get re-elected, that I cheated to get elected anyhow, tell me I'm just another one-termer like my daddy. I say Iraq resignates with the people, at least people who get their news from Fox TV like me. But they just tell me 'resignate' ain't even a word, tell me I should resignate, and the world would be better off for it.

"Pleeeease...? I promise I'll listen the next time millions of protesters march for peace... or maybe look out the window once or twice. And that I won't cut off aid to countries who vote against the war... or maybe not cut as much. And maybe I won't send Colin Powell to the UN with quite so many lies to tell y'all... unless I can find another patsy just like'm.

"C'mon... Maybe I'll listen to the UN next time, OK? Is that what y'all wanted? Respecting the votes you all have? And no more 'Freedom Fries' or other pokes at the country that won our independence for us back in... back in... way back when?

"Maybe I can't give you everything you want. But if you give me what I want just this once, I'll... I'll... lemme think on this... I know. I won't have to come back to the UN to speechify again. I'm sure you'd all appreciate that.

"Thank you all for coming, especially those who came in person instead of sending one of your staffers in a show of depreciation. And don't forget... Pleeeeeease! Pleeeease save me from being a one-termer. Y'all know I never cared about them soldiers over there, or how many thousands of I-raqis died. I just don't want to look bad on TV when I lose the election. History books don't matter since I don't read, but pleeeease don't let me lose on TV! Pleeeease save me! Pleeeeeease, Mr. Governor, don't kill my chances of winning the next election!!!"

...And Tucker smiles down on Bush today.

Takes a lot of effort to be that mean. I think I'll stay in the Rotella family. No Bushies allowed. Not that they're officially banned -- we're just not a part of the mocking-beggar species.

Thanks for putting up with my mocking-Bush humor, and pleeeease, pleeease don't vote that demented jerk back into office! If you do anything for me in your life, get yourself to a voting booth election day and

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© 2004 by Pam Rotella.

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