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A good time to reflect on Resignating Nookyalur Terra-ist Presidents
Click to visit VeggieCooking.com [Posted 20 February 2006]

Who thought of a holiday to honor this country's Presidents, anyway? Of course, it's worse than usual this year, with a moron for President and all.

I used to have a friend from Jamaica who'd always trick me. He'd mention the same quote from Bush, and then let a few weeks or months go by, so that we hadn't been joking about Bushisms for a while. Then one day, just in casual conversation, he'd tell me that he was working really hard lately. "Why?" I'd ask, expecting him to tell me that work was busier than usual. "To put food on my family," he'd reply, quoting the famous Bushism that Americans have to "work hard to put food on their families." Then he'd wait for more time to go by, and a few weeks later, I'd ask the same "Why?" It was always amazing that he could trick me into the same joke so easily.

"Is our children learning" about "clean, safe, nookyalur" "terra-ists" who "resignate with the people" aside, Presidents other than Bush are a pretty sorry lot, too. Maybe that's because we've had so many Republican Presidents lately.

Let's see, we had Nixon involved in the whole Watergate flap, not willing to leave Vietnam until he desperately promised to end the war in order to be re-elected.

And we had the big star of "Bedtime for Bonzo," Ron-bo Ray-gun, playing second-fiddle to a monkey in the movies because he just couldn't draw the crowds like a chimp could. After slandering a lot of co-workers to Joe McCarthy's panel on "anti-American" activities while he worked at the Screen Actors' Guild, Reagan went on to enter California politics, went senile, and then won the Presidency. (By the way, if you want to keep people from Wisconsin humble, just say these words: Joe McCarthy, SENATOR from WISCONSIN.) Nicaraguan bombin', Libyan bombin', Granadan bombin', Panamanian bombin', Russki slanderin', nuclear-war-threatenin', cocaine-smugglin', PATCO-firin', economy-destroyin', Ronnie "Cold War" Reagan certainly ranks as one of the worst Presidents this country has ever had.

And Reagan's veep, Duh-bya's father, was no genius. If the economy's in the toilet, you know there's a Bush in the White House. It was kind of in the toilet when Reagan was President, but you see, Bush was only Vice-President then. The full flush didn't happen until the elder Bush was actually President. And that's when Iraq-Nam started, too.

Of course, Republicans always like to pick on Bill Clinton because of his Presidential blow job. Now, the fact that Bill was actually able to GET a blow job was partly because he was a half-way DECENT President. I mean, how many women want to do George Duh-bya Bush? Bush had to PAY Jeff Gannon at least $200 an hour for sex. Women don't want George, and men have to be PAID to want him. (Other than Victor Ashe, who was shipped to Poland.) So Clinton's sex scandal story only proves that Clinton at least had SOMETHING going for him. Plus Republicans who claim that Hillary is a lesbian only imply that her husband HAD to look elsewhere for sex.

But Clinton wasn't all that great from a Democratic perspective. Yes, he was good at keeping the economy running, but he should have stimulated the economy by fixing the health care system, instead of dumping so much money into the freakin' CRIME BILL. He put a bunch of cops on the street all at once, which aside from attracting people who really don't belong in law enforcement, meant a lot more cops lying about things in order to write more traffic tickets. I remember everyone in Malibu, California complaining about constantly getting tickets for nothing. I experienced quite a few lying cops there myself -- as in, I'd be going UNDER the speed limit because I'd been pulled over so often for nothing, and cops would STILL pull me over and accuse me of going 20 over, just to write the ticket. And just before the crime bill, some crooked Sheriff's Deputy, Gary Spencer, shot the heir to the Scott Chemical Company (as in, Scott paper towels), thinking he'd accuse the elderly man of growing pot on his ranch in order to take his $5 million property under assets forfeiture. (Although my father reminded me that on a trip he took to California in the 60's, people were being pulled over for doing nothing wrong, too. California seemed to have that police corruption problem going back to its Reagan days, but Clinton's crime bill added fuel to the fire.) I know why Clinton decided to hire more cops instead of giving people health insurance though -- it was more immediate. You need to educate people in order to work in health care. Cops can be hired off of the street, and the economy was in such dire and immediate need after 12 years of Reagan-Bush that the country couldn't wait any longer. As it is, it took a few years to get the economy going, even with the crime bill. Yeah, it was just throwing money into a bunch of government jobs -- a typical Democratic trick that isn't all that enlightened -- but it worked.

Carter was a different animal, seeming to be a genuinely kind person. How'd a nice guy get to be President, anyway? Carter was sandwiched in between Ford and Reagan like a kitten between piles of steaming dog poo. His big cause, Habitat for Humanity, is still going on. I even knew a Republican businessman who took time off of work and was PROUD to be helping Jimmy Carter throw houses together for the poor. But one thing my father pointed out about Carter was kind of true -- he wasn't experienced enough to get things done around Washington. Yeah, he wasn't some corrupt freak like so many other Presidents, but he alienated a lot of corporations and other powerful crooks who he needed help from, just to get his agenda going. He also deregulated the airlines, which wasn't half as bad as Reagan firing all of the Air Traffic Controllers at once, but deregulation still made the airlines more dangerous. He did try to put solar panels on the White House -- but Reagan took those down. None of that "technologically advanced" stuff for Bonzo's supporting actor!

And then there's the old Vietnam failure, LBJ, yet another corrupt Texan. Although Johnson did get us too deep into Vietnam instead of pulling out like he should have, at least he did try to institute some of the social programs that Kennedy wanted. This is despite certain people with inside knowledge claiming that Johnson was in on the Kennedy assassination -- a plot with Nixon, Hoover, and Johnson at the center of it. Johnson also tried to help Martin Luther King with the civil rights movement, at least until King started to speak out against the war, at which time Johnson was most likely involved in that assassination, too. Overall, Johnson was more of a corrupt Texan than a Democrat, but even Johnson looks good compared to more recent Presidents like Duh-bya Bush, Old Bush, and Reagan. Until the Bush family came to town, "suicided" wasn't even a word, after all.

Kennedy was the "last real President" according to people who see the latest round of "Presidencies" as nothing more than rigged elections and dirty deals. Namely, Kennedy was the last President who we really elected, and his assassination was a Coup D'etat of the American Constitutional form of government. Since everyone knows that governmental elements were the people really behind Kennedy's assassination, I'm going to spend the rest of the time on Kennedy admiring Jim Marrs.

Jim Marrs is a journalist/author who's one of the best sources on the Kennedy assassination, largely because he has lived in the Dallas/Fort Worth area his entire life. He even has a photo of himself as a young man dancing at Jack Ruby's nightclub -- before Ruby shot Oswald, and we all know the rest of that story. Marrs is a regular guest on the Jeff Rense radio show, and always has some interesting perspectives. I really enjoyed his quote on SUVs and Starbucks, namely that a lot of people have written him with eloquently-written arguments on how we need to fight oil wars in order to drive to Starbucks in our SUVs. (Drive to Starbucks sometime -- it seems most of the vehicles in the lot are SUVs.) Anyway, Marrs does cover aliens, which some people think of as "crazy." But what came first? I think Marrs got into the whole conspiracy area of journalism BECAUSE he was so involved with the Kennedy case. He managed to interview all of the living witnesses that he could find, and has some very interesting facts as a result, for example everyone seemed to agree on the fact that there were 3 volleys of shots. Independently, witness accounts said that the shots went "Bang... Bang-bang." All kinds of interesting facts pop up when you bother to do the hard work of interviews.

But I digress. My main point is, why bother remembering our Presidents, when our Presidents are more the type of people you'd want to forget? They're an embarrassment to the country, destructive, selfish, and just plain evil. But as with any horrible person, I guess they do serve as bad examples to hold up to the world. "Don't snort so much coke, or you could end up resignating with the peoples' nookyalur food on their families..." Or become some moronistic President who goes down in history as saying just that, while ruining the planet at the same time.

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